Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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