Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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