Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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