Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
