State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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