My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize