I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
