dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
should my penis look like a turkey
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
