well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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