Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
