DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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