It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
