We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want a musical about memes.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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