You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
