3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
