alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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