why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
