Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
handjob tips. give me some.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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