Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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