a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
