tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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