I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
