Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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