I wish I could punch you in the face.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
