I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
