We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
