fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
