my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
