3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
