well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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