You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
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i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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