I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize