she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
