If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
