Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
