dude i'm inner monologue high
the condom got lost in my hair
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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