How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
