you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
