I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
