I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
