his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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