i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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