Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
