whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
