I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
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