I'm eating all of the evidence.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize