She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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