Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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