u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize