do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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