matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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