He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
