I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
