the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
