I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
