i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
