i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
