dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
