Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Come on in and take your pants off
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