I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
