I puked a lego.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
