five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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