There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
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