I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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