??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
