Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
