That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
