Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
