I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
